How can I explain?

I have been feeling the need to explain my behavior as of late. I've been acting strangely, it's true. Not how I ordinarily act, for those of you with the fortune to know me in the "real world". I have undergone an enlightening experience recently. I really wish I could just say what it was, but for privacy's sake, others as well as my own, I cannot divulge further. It must suffice to say that my perspective has been changed in a direction that I never expected. That is how these things tend to go though, fate hits you with a bolt of lighting on a day that you thought was just like any other.

I see some things now that I didn't before, and I don't see how I can possibly go back to the way things were. I don't know how things will end up, we never do in life, but I am not afraid to take a gamble. There is no adventure without risk, and my life would be nothing without adventure. I might as well wilt away and die, a cut flower.

So I hope nobody thinks I've lost my mind. You will just have to trust me, and maybe, hopefully, someday I will be able to tell you why I've been acting off. I assure you, it's perfectly natural.

Had Enough

I need a new job. I got the one I have in December 2009. I was desperate for employment, so took the leap back into fast food. After working at DQ from 1998-2001 I had sworn that I would never work fast food again. But times got hard and so there I was.

At first it wasn't so bad. My coworkers and most of the managers were fun to work with and made time go by quickly. The summer of 2010 I was promised a promotion by the Assistant Manager, who was in charge of the training program. I got a 20 cent raise that evaluation period, only missing one point. There were two other people also promised a promotion.

Only one of us got promoted, and they went up 3 levels instead of one. Myself and the other employee were left high and dry. I believe this was due to the Store Manager feeling as if the Assistant Manager was overstepping their power, infringing on the Store Manager's power. They even rejected the training book I had completed, even before opening it. That evaluation period last winter I got a 15 cent, or average, raise. That was a slap in the face. I have always been a good employee for them. I have cared about my performance, the customers, and the company. I was even marked down for attendance, even though I had not called out a single day in that evaluation period. I brought it to the Store Manager's attention, and they changed it, but marked me down for something else, so they could keep me at 15 cents. I should have left then.

This Spring, the Store Manager pulled me aside and told me that they wanted to promote me again. I was skeptical. They said that they were going to "verify" my training book I had already completed, and after that I would get my promotion. My thoughts were "I'll believe it when I see it". I never saw it. Now we just had my third evaluation. I got another 15 cents. This is enough for me. I don't mind working fast food, but I refuse to be screwed over in the process. I just got done updating my resume and then, once I find a new job, I am out of there. I got a lead on a cocktail waitress job, making tips. That will be a nice change of pace.

Final advice for owners of fast food establishments: If your Store Manager is incompetent, it WILL drag your store down, eat your profits, and leave you with only the worst workers willing to stay under such conditions.

Happy Exhaustion

So I haven't written for a couple days, I think. Time is being funny right now and days are flying by for me. I think I may be having too much fun. All of this has left my thoughts a bit unfocused and has taken my free time away from me for the most part. I am embracing some change that has presented itself to me. Change can be scary, it's true. However, in this case, I think I needed it. For a while there has been a feeling of unrest in me, and this is my attempt at a solution. I have a lot to learn about myself, and I have a whole lot of living left to do in my life. I don't want to be held back anymore. I have to deal with my fear of change, and instead embrace it, because it's the only way I can move forward.

Like any change, this could go wrong, but that is a part of life, and amazing things don't happen without some element of risk. I am pursuing fresh adventures and happy for it. Wish me luck!

Hopefully soon I will have the mental organization to put together a meaningful post on some social issue or the like. Until then I will just post updates at least every few days or so.

~Foxy

Feeling Renewed

I hardly know what to write here. For the past few weeks my energy has felt hectic, scattered, stressed, and pent up. I have been moody, and easily upset. It's difficult to explain in my usual eloquent manner. I've had a series of small explosions when dealing with certain situations. That is not the person I want to be, but it happened.

Yesterday and today have been different, however. There is a sense of peace in me now. I don't know why... Just a shift in the energy flow or something. It's almost like all the aggravation and stress was just part of a change, a new beginning. I'm not sure WHAT has changed, but I think it has. Only time will tell. Until then, I am happy, and ready for a fun filled summer. Whatever changes may happen, I am prepared to deal with them. I can't wait to see where the journey takes me next. 

~Foxy

First Post

I haven't posted a blog since I stopped using Myspace, along with everyone else. That sight still stands with my whole blog, and everyone else's, even though nobody looks at it anymore. The abandoned amusement park of the internet. In case anybody is curious to wade through the wreckage and take a look at that bygone blog, here is a link:

http://www.myspace.com/foxyfox82/blog

But that is the past, my friend (presumably), and I am a completely different person now. Well... not completely, but mostly. I have certainly undergone a lot of changes, mentally, physically, and spiritually. Thus is life I suppose. 

As for right now. I am sitting in my living room, alone for once. The house is quiet. My boyfriend of 4 and a half years, Josh, is still asleep. I have too many things on my mind to sleep, a re-occurring problem. I have trouble shutting my mind down sometimes. I wish I had a sleep button. Maybe if I can keep this blog up regularly I can get some things OUT of my mind and finally get some peace. I have to be careful what I post here, however, because I certainly don't want to upset anybody, or get myself in trouble in the process. I just want to get things off my chest, and maybe spark some of my love for writing again.

I think I will end my first Blogger blog post in this way. I will move on to subjects that I can go on in length about in the next one. Thank you for reading.

~Foxy