Heart Spring

 I was walking in a fog
Suddenly you appeared
As if created of mist

You waved your arm
And the fog vanished
Revealing a new world

You smiled at me
And took my hand
Leading the way

As we walked
More fog cleared
Exposing further delights

I was wonder struck
Laughing and giddy
Dancing in the sunlight.

We came to a spring
Bubbling rhythmically
A clear pink red color.

We drank of the water
It filled me with warmth
Feeling hope for the future.

My heart was beating
Along with the spring
The two were the same.

We held each other
Rolling and laughing
On the bright greensward.

I fell asleep in your arms
At peace with existence
In perfect trust.

Mercury Retrograde

Have you noticed in the past week that there has been more conflict in your life than usual? Misunderstandings? Complications? Unexpected curve-balls to your routine? Everything that can go wrong will go wrong? You are experiencing the phenomenon known as Mercury Retrograde. It's like an astrological storm that hits us all a few times a year.    

Logically speaking, Mercury Retrograde is when the planet Mercury appears to start moving backwards from our point of view. It isn't REALLY moving backwards. It's like this:

Why should this affect our daily lives? For that answer you have to go a little beyond logic. Mercury is named after the Roman god of Communication and Trade, also known as Hermes in the Greek Pantheon.

So... When the planet is in retrograde, some believe that it affects those attribute of communication and trade. I have experienced my fair share of things not going right in the past week. Most of it was from misunderstandings, and everything going wrong at work that possibly could.

My advise to my readers is to hang onto your hats, don't let arguments that happen now affect you too much. Check back in a couple weeks and see if it might have all been just a mis-communication. Try to be careful to make sure that you are clear and patient when communicating with others. Also, when the little things go wrong, just go with the flow. Take a breath, accept it, and move on. It's not a good time to be in a hurry to do anything. Take it easy and stay happy. 

Epiphany

I figured out what's going on with me. I have a tendency, when things go wrong, to take control myself and try to make everything go right. So many things have gone wrong, and so many people have proven themselves to be unreliable, that it's become a habit of mine.

For a while I loved my job because of certain managers who were the leaders they were supposed to be. All I had to do was my job, and they did theirs. Life was good. I still controlled my personal life, for the most part, but I didn't have to do that at work. It gave me time to relax and just chill out.

Then things changed at work. Now things are falling apart there, and people don't care so much about their job anymore. I can't work that way. It makes me irritable and anxious. I need a strong leader in order to relax my brain, and I'm not getting it there anymore. So I've started to have to take control of more situations at work. That, combined with STILL controlling my personal life, left me feeling very stressed and overtaxed.

This changed a couple weeks ago. I found a way to release more control in my personal life. It's nice to relax, and have confidence in someone else's ability to handle a situation. I still find myself fretting and worrying about things here and there, but now I recognize that I'm doing that and I can get myself to relax and just enjoy the moment. I am learning a whole new lesson about life. I am determined to enjoy every minute of it.

Tarot Reading

Some of you may know that I read Tarot cards. If you didn't, you do now. I'm sure some of you are skeptical about the accuracy of divination, you can argue about it in the comments if you wish. However, I have found that the cards tend to speak clearly to me.

Today I was feeling conflicted and unsure about the future, so I gave myself a 3 card (past-present-future) reading.

In the past was the 5 of Pentacles. That translates to stress, and hardship. That has been my past, for sure. Depression... unhappiness... What's even more interesting is that my deck is an animal deck, and the 5 of pentacles, pictured above, is represented by the fox.

In the present was the 10 of Cups. That translates to happiness, a feeling of wholeness, and satisfaction. Yes, totally what's going on RIGHT NOW...

The last card, the future, was The Tower. That translates to discord, possible unhappiness, and a change of an old way of life.  I was not surprised.

I have written of endings and beginnings before. Life is full of them. What I do know is that I haven't felt this good and carefree since I lived in my Bronco II in February of 2005. That was the start to a whole chapter of my life. Now I feel that chapter ending and a new one beginning. I just wish I knew how it was all going to turn out. The only thing I know for sure is that I can't go back to the way things were in the past. I am done with that particular 5 of pentacles. I hope the happiness of the present lasts for a long time, and that the discord of the future is distant.

How can I explain?

I have been feeling the need to explain my behavior as of late. I've been acting strangely, it's true. Not how I ordinarily act, for those of you with the fortune to know me in the "real world". I have undergone an enlightening experience recently. I really wish I could just say what it was, but for privacy's sake, others as well as my own, I cannot divulge further. It must suffice to say that my perspective has been changed in a direction that I never expected. That is how these things tend to go though, fate hits you with a bolt of lighting on a day that you thought was just like any other.

I see some things now that I didn't before, and I don't see how I can possibly go back to the way things were. I don't know how things will end up, we never do in life, but I am not afraid to take a gamble. There is no adventure without risk, and my life would be nothing without adventure. I might as well wilt away and die, a cut flower.

So I hope nobody thinks I've lost my mind. You will just have to trust me, and maybe, hopefully, someday I will be able to tell you why I've been acting off. I assure you, it's perfectly natural.

Had Enough

I need a new job. I got the one I have in December 2009. I was desperate for employment, so took the leap back into fast food. After working at DQ from 1998-2001 I had sworn that I would never work fast food again. But times got hard and so there I was.

At first it wasn't so bad. My coworkers and most of the managers were fun to work with and made time go by quickly. The summer of 2010 I was promised a promotion by the Assistant Manager, who was in charge of the training program. I got a 20 cent raise that evaluation period, only missing one point. There were two other people also promised a promotion.

Only one of us got promoted, and they went up 3 levels instead of one. Myself and the other employee were left high and dry. I believe this was due to the Store Manager feeling as if the Assistant Manager was overstepping their power, infringing on the Store Manager's power. They even rejected the training book I had completed, even before opening it. That evaluation period last winter I got a 15 cent, or average, raise. That was a slap in the face. I have always been a good employee for them. I have cared about my performance, the customers, and the company. I was even marked down for attendance, even though I had not called out a single day in that evaluation period. I brought it to the Store Manager's attention, and they changed it, but marked me down for something else, so they could keep me at 15 cents. I should have left then.

This Spring, the Store Manager pulled me aside and told me that they wanted to promote me again. I was skeptical. They said that they were going to "verify" my training book I had already completed, and after that I would get my promotion. My thoughts were "I'll believe it when I see it". I never saw it. Now we just had my third evaluation. I got another 15 cents. This is enough for me. I don't mind working fast food, but I refuse to be screwed over in the process. I just got done updating my resume and then, once I find a new job, I am out of there. I got a lead on a cocktail waitress job, making tips. That will be a nice change of pace.

Final advice for owners of fast food establishments: If your Store Manager is incompetent, it WILL drag your store down, eat your profits, and leave you with only the worst workers willing to stay under such conditions.

Happy Exhaustion

So I haven't written for a couple days, I think. Time is being funny right now and days are flying by for me. I think I may be having too much fun. All of this has left my thoughts a bit unfocused and has taken my free time away from me for the most part. I am embracing some change that has presented itself to me. Change can be scary, it's true. However, in this case, I think I needed it. For a while there has been a feeling of unrest in me, and this is my attempt at a solution. I have a lot to learn about myself, and I have a whole lot of living left to do in my life. I don't want to be held back anymore. I have to deal with my fear of change, and instead embrace it, because it's the only way I can move forward.

Like any change, this could go wrong, but that is a part of life, and amazing things don't happen without some element of risk. I am pursuing fresh adventures and happy for it. Wish me luck!

Hopefully soon I will have the mental organization to put together a meaningful post on some social issue or the like. Until then I will just post updates at least every few days or so.

~Foxy